Today is the birthday of Douglas.

DJ,

You better feel great that you got a blog shout out.

And for all who are interested, his blog is funny and great.

Yep.  And sorry about the appearance... it's finals week, so I gave up on important stuff.... like doing my hair and wearing normal people clothes.

Also, Kalli totally lied to me.  DJ's birthday is actually the 11th.  Oh well.  By now, you are reading this on (or after) his actual birthday.

Love, Kj

Seven Things That People Should Not Do on Facebook

Wow!  I was a week shy of leaving you all famished of Kj posts for a whole month.  Well, fear not.  Because here comes another.  And it was inspired by my friend Kyle during a rather lengthy drive last night.  You see, Facebook is awesome.  For SO many reasons.  And by awesome I mean a great center of complete stupidity sometimes.
So I've come up with a list of seven things that people should not do on Facebook.  Now, if you do any of these things, please do not be offended.  Unless that leads you to change your actions.  Then please do.
Also, I'm counting down because I want the suspense to be killing you.

#7: Post a Deceiving Profile Picture
And by "deceiving" I mean not you.  Now, we wouldn't want people thinking you are any of the following: a Lambourgini,  your dog Starla, Han Solo, Legolas, or Sailor Moon.  If that's cool with you, sweet!  But don't be surprised when that girl/guy you've never met but somehow carries on a 50,000 message-long conversation with you on Facebook doesn't actually talk to you in real life.  Chances are he or she is either under the impression that you are truly a Mustang Transformer, so they simply don't recognize the real you... OR that they feel cruelly deceived by your true identity and can't stand to face you in person.

#6- Attempt the Duck Face Mirror Bathroom Pic
And by "attempt" I mean don't think about it.  No matter the circumstances, it screams tool.  The selfie is one thing, but this is a whole different level.  I mean, I know you might have just gotten your hair cut, and you really feel the urge.  Resist at all costs.  Even if you are wearing a large hoodie with the hood on and sunglasses... which is something we all do when we're at home alone...  No.  Just no.

#5- Use Any of the Following Words If You Are Unclear Concerning the Meaning
And by "any of the following", I mean any of the following: there, their, they're, your, you're, to, too, two, definitely.   I don't know why some people didn't get the first grade education that I did, but if you don't know, choose a different word.  Like unicorn.  For example:  "Unicorn an idiot"; "I am going unicorn the mall with my unicorn best friends and unicorn boyfriends"; I am unicorn the coolest person I know", etc.  And let me just make a plug for the poor word definitely.  Not definately.  Not defanatly.  (my computer is so ticked I keep doing it the wrong way)  AND DEFINITELY NOT DEFIANTLY.  There is a very large gap between the meaning of:  "I definitely love my mother" and "I defiantly love my mother".  

#4- Talk About Your Relationship
And by "talk about your relationship", I mean posting about fighting on Facebook, posting about your most recent breakup, and/or posting thrice a day about how flipping amazing your boyfriend is.  I'm sure he's awesome.  But after about 50 posts, people stop saying "awe" when they read them and start deleting you as a friend.  But I guess that wouldn't really matter because your boyfriend is awesome.

#3- Post Inappropriate Glimpses into Your Personal Life
And by "inappropriate glimpses into your personal life" (and this is Kyle's personal favorite), I mean mostly ultrasounds.  Now I can see where you would think this is cute.  However, most of us are not interested in a picture inside your uterus.  I can't think of anything that would be considered more personal.  And on the subject of prego, if you want us all to see your cute baby bump, keep the skin under clothing.  Unfortunately, midriff is not any more flattering when you're fatter.  Sorry ladies.

#2- #unnessecarilyhashtag
And by "#unnessecarilyhashtag", I mean that Facebook doesn't have a search hashtags mechanism.  So don't hashtag.  It is not necessary.  Unless you're posting via a hashtagging site, or you're a funny hashtagger. #becausesometimeshashtagsarefrappinhilarious.  But in most cases, they're not.

#1- Be a Person Who Should Not Be on Facebook
And by "a person who should not be on Facebook", I mean a person who can't post as yourself, take normal pictures, use semi-correct grammar, resist talking about your relationship, or use words.  There's no shame in admitting you're any of these.  Actually there is a hefty amount of shame in admitting you are any of these.  But the true shame is when you broadcast it to the world through the social media we know and love as Facebook.

Love, Kj

"The defect in this one is bleach."

To introduce my topic today, please enjoy the following video:

If you click on this, it'll take you to the video!

So I'm talking about milk.  That means that if dairy bores you or you're lactose intolerant, you best close this tab.
Ok, here's the deal.  BYU doesn't sell whole milk in their vending machines.  It's disgusting.  I mean that their lack of acceptance of all types of milks is disgusting... not whole milk itself.  Whole milk is delicious.  And when you're desperate to use money on your meal card of endless money, you only buy food from BYU.  So, I think complaining about the type of milk available to me is appropriate.

I also think that if I wasn't Mormon I would be an alcoholic or a coffee addict.  Because that is how much milk I drink.  I love it.  Specifically, chocolate milk.  They don't even sell chocolate milk that is not reduced fat!  What?!  You can put a bunch of sugar in your milk but not fat?

You may be asking why I even care.  First, if you are asking yourself that, then you shouldn't read my blog.  Second, I prefer my milk to taste like milk and not water.  Because water is gross and milk is yummy.  Skim milk is not only one or the other, it's a rotten hybrid of both.


And mixing up liquids is one of the worst feelings.

One time when I was little, I accidentally poured coffee all over my pancakes at IHOP instead of syrup.  A)  I don't like the smell of coffee, and the taste is even worse.  You can imagine my surprise.
B)  I obviously didn't eat the pancakes after, so don't judge me.

Ever went to drink your sprite, only to be disappointed by the extreme dullness of non-carbonated, sugarless H2O?  Yeah, it's like going to visit Santa Claus and being greeted by your middle school principal.  Nay, your middle school recess guard ladies.  Oh, mine were borderline evil.


Anyway, I eat a lot of cereal, and I love cookies!  However, I don't eat cereal with water (though I sometimes eat it with chocolate milk), and I don't dip my cookies in orange juice.  I think my Dad does, though.  But he's weird.
Some people say they can't tell a difference, but that's heresy.  Watery milk is not the same as milk.


Apart from the taste, BYU's milk options are like a giant face slap.  No, they're like a giant fat joke.  This is how the meeting went when BYU people were deciding to ban the wonderfulness that is whole milk:
Some guy: "The freshmen are getting a little chunky... maybe we should stop selling soda... or donuts?"
Other guy: "... I love donuts... No, that's too far.  I don't think anyone will notice if we just take away all the whole milk."
Guy 1: "Oh, you sly dog."

Well, you can't fool this girl!  Let's quit this caffeine petition business and make a push for whole milk!
Yeah, I know.  Nobody caught the vision.  Oh well.  I can go home and get my whole dairy.  And egg nog.  Egg nog is good.

Love, Kj

P.S.  IT IS SO STINKIN CLOSE TO CHRISTMAS!!!

This is my not election post

Unlike some people, I loved all the election posts!  However, seeing as I am still a minor and thus cannot vote, I feel my voice was not heard, so I cannot offer an opinion on the subject of the election.  Actually I can:  BOOOOOO.  That's all I have to say about that.

In other news, I received this interesting voicemail while I was at cheer the other day.  Take a listen:

It was from Tucson, where I once resided... like four years ago.  So that's weird.  But overall I just think it's weird.  Weird things happen to me.  Like this other weird thing... that I can't blog about... because people would get offended... so use your imagination.

Anyway, I called her/ him/ it back to schedule the play date, but I didn't get a reply.  I find that odd.  Just a word of advice:  if you call someone to set up a play date, and then they don't answer, so they call you back, but then you don't answer, then just text them.  It's easier.  And then if your voice sounds like this girl's (guy's?  dwarf's?), nobody has to listen to it. 

Ok, have a great night kiddos!!

Love, Kj

My Life is Awesome

But really.  After watching this, you might think I'm joking... but I really do love my life.  IT IS SO AWESOME! You don't need dates to love your life!  Dates just help...
Anyway, here is just a glimpse into why my life is so awesome.  With the help of my friend, Maria.  Congrats Marie, you got a blog shout out.

There is no way you have a better story of your Friday night...
No, not even you, Katy Perry.

Love, Kj

P.S.  We lied.  Instead of watching Netflix, we made this video for you all... and then we watched Netflix.

My views on gay marriage.

I believe Avril Lavigne said it best when she said:

And there you have it.

Love, Kj

What are you thinking, Kj?

Well, I'll tell you what I was thinking.  I was thinking, "Man, I need to read about Jainism for class tomorrow."  Then I was thinking, "That sounds really boring."  And then I was thinking (and I'm not going to put these in quotes because that takes too long):

• I should do something instead of reading about an ancient religion.
• Maybe I should read about the debate since I watched it tonight.
• Nah.
• It sucks that I can't vote because I'm a lot smarter than most people who vote.
• Who cares, actually.  We all know Romney's got Utah in the bag... Mormons.
• If I ever run for office, I'm going to be in super shape.
• Pinterest could help me with that... or I could just not eat this Peanut Butter Twix.
• Oops, already ate it!  And it was GOOD.
• Diets are overrated.
• Actually they're not because if I looked like some people, I wouldn't say that.
• Man, my life philosophies are so much better than everyone else's.

Then... BAM!  Thus began my blog.  So here's the deal.  I am not going to put effort in to make my blog look cute.  Because I don't know how and technology frustrates me.  But if you want to help me out, feel free! I don't care that it's not creative.  Because Kj's blog seemed the logical thing to call it... it's MY blog.  (Oh, and whoever Karen something is who took the kjsblog URL, frappin shut down your blog so I can have it.).  Comment if you like stuff, be quiet if you don't, and enjoy the psychological tour of my mind!   Follow me, or don't follow me.  If you do, you'll obviously live a better life, but nobody's making you.

Love, Kj

Oh, side note that doesn't quite qualify as a post script: Most of the things I say in life- both virtual and real- are somewhat sarcastic, so if you're thinking, "she's crazy", 90% of the time you are correct and 10% of the time I don't actually mean what I say.