So, I don’t really like reading very much. But sometimes in the summer I get so bored that I turn to reading in my darkest (boredest) of times. So I read this book this summer where the characters have to face their deepest fears in a virtual world they call their “fear landscape.”
I totally have two fears that I guarantee would make up my fear landscape. And if any of you read this post and use the information contained herein to sabotage me in some way, you will rue the day. I don’t know why you will, but I’ll figure that out later.
Fear #1: WASPS.
I. HATE. WASPS. Story time-- I was 7. Kyle (my older brother) thought it would be a fun sibling-bonding activity to go visit the local wasp nest in our neighbor’s storm drain. He always was the dumbest one. (Jk. He’s smart in real life. But he’s on a mission, so he can’t even read that.) Anyway, my wonderful little sister was just a wee tot and decided that the nest needed elimination. The idea itself is a good one, but the execution was completely idiotic. Again, wee tot. She threw a rock at it. To this day I’m unsure how this happened, but the whole swarm had a meeting and decided they were going to sting Kj. All of them. So they did. And it hurt. And I cried.. a fact that I would like to attribute to my young age, but let’s get real and admit that even if this happened today, we’d all cry.
Now, I need to clarify: I am no respector of stinging insects. When I say “wasps”, I mean: hornets, yellow jackets, those weird giant black wasp-like bugs from Hades that live in Tucson, and bees. Cool? Actually, not cool at all.
Ok. I found the following picture on Pinterest.
And it inspired me to let you all know how I’ve faced my fear over the years.
First, let me tell you that I’m kind of like Spiderman. Because I’m pretty sure that after the above experience, I developed a 6th sense to detect wasps at all times.
Second, let me tell you that I never face this fear. When my waspy sense goes off, I just leave… rapidly… Ok. I run. This has become an ongoing problem because I pass this stupid purple-blossomed plant everyday on my way to school, and it is an evil haven of wasps. When people aren’t watching, I just walk off the sidewalk and around it. But when people are around, I am basically forced to be cool. And I just hold my breath and walk super fast past it. The good news is that this only lasted for about the first month of school. Phew! I would be dead from hypertension at this point if it went any longer.
OOOOOKAY. You ready?
Fear #2: Bicyclists on Campus.
Laugh if you will, but I am legitimately terrified. Just today, this kid… we will call him “Turbo”… seriously missed me by maybe 2 inches. I swear he was planning on plowing me over, but I’m thinking he read his scriptures this morning because at the last second, some saving grace told him to veer quite uncoordinatedly out of my path. I am definitely applying for a slot on that show “I Shouldn’t be Alive” because Turbo would’ve been just fine, gently floating off his bike, with his sweet helmet on. However, Kj would’ve been minced meat.
Unfortunately I don’t have a bikey sense to detect those crazies quite yet since I only developed said fear last year. This makes it even worse when they deploy the sneak attack: you know, where they zoom up from behind without the least degree of warning. Seriously, heart attack status.
As Troy Bolton and Gabriella Montez once said (in duet form):
“I never knew that this could happen ‘til it happened to me. Ooooohhhh.
I never knew if before, but now it’s easy to seeeeee, ooooooohh!”
Now a new [short] story time: MY ROOMMATE (Marie) GOT HIT BY A BIKE! AND, she fell (obviously), AND her phone got knocked out of her hand, AND he RAN OVER her phone and cracked it! Now, Maria is indeed the most accident-prone person ever, as was decided by our graduating class. BUT, that holds no significance when you are merely the innocent by-stander. This is real, guys. I did not even make any of this up. Except the waspy sense. But that’s only about 40% exaggerated.
So, be careful out there. The world is a scary place.
